Fun disguises...revisited.

Remember back when I thought wax lips were fun. I still do, don't get me wrong. But I've recently come to enjoy a new novelty. That's right, the groucho marx fun glasses. I've only just recently acquired the childrens sizes, but I will, oh yes I will, have adult ones....and all who wish are invited to proudly display them at none other than the Wal*Mart portrait studio. I'll let you know when the time is nye. Until then, Hunter and Eastyn will show you exactly how it's done.

I love Iowa....

and let me tell you why....My Aunts Ruthie and MaryEtta, and Ber and I road tripped to Nebraska for Dad's 50th birthday bash. The first town we went through had this.........

notice there is a guest book for people to sign. You better believe my name is proudly written on that bad boy.

JKATS

It was Erin's birthday on the 21st, so I went up to visit her. Her mom was there and we got to go to one of her shows. We had a blast, per usual. Erin's in a band now. The band is called JKATS (formally known as Jack Knife and the Sharps) I set up a myspace for her for her birthday. YAY!

Eastyn

Eastyn is 3 months old now. She's getting so big and looks more like Opie every time I see her. She's a snuggler, and I'm pretty sure I'm her favorite. She actually told me that she likes me the best, but swore me to secrecy because she didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings. Sorry, Eastyn. You should know that I'm not the best secret keeper.

I don't think you can handle this....

OMG!!!!! So, last night I was laying on the air mattress watching "Miami Ink". I was just minding my own business...winding down from a weekend full of magic and wonder when I felt a "thud" on my rib cage. It was a soft and gentle "thud", but I definately knew something was there. I thought, "now, what in the hell." So, I looked down and moved the blanket and a $@&*Q%Q*%@!@^&$&%^&%#*^@!%& BAT flew up friggin' right by my face. I've never moved so fast in my entire life. I ran to the bathroom and sat and contemplated my next move. Should I trap it with a laundry basket? No. That would never work, the bat could squeeze through the holes. Should I catch with a couple of cooking pots? No. That would wake the kids...and probably the neighbors. Then, I wished for a net. When one didn't magically appear out of thin air, I was forced to abandon that idea and go wake up Matt and Steph. Perfect idea. Matt will know just what to do.
I walked upstairs to their door and knocked ever so slightly and just then the bat came swooping down at me. I think I about shat myself at this point. I was shaking and convulsing outside of their door in a crumpled up ball of Holly. I was saying in a talking whisper "Ok, seriously...you guys need to open this &*#$%@#*&% door, there's a *&^%$$&^* bat out here! That didn't work....so I knocked again....the bat swooped again. It felt like this cycle went on for about 12 hours, but in all honesty, it was probably only 10 minutes. Trust me, though....10 minutes of having a bat swooping down at you is PLENTY. Matt finally cracked open the door and just as he did, the bat swooped again and in between Matt trying to not let the bat in and me trying to get into the "bat-free zone". I got squashed between the door and the frame and backed out....leaving me...once again....alone with the bat. I thought, great...Matt's up. He can deal with it. I ran downstairs as quickly as my chubby legs would carry me. But I could still see the shadow of the demon creature circling around the upstairs hallway. the bat finally stopped. At this point, I realized I needed to suck it up and go find the damn thing. I walked ever so gingerly up the steps....and there he was. Sitting on the bookshelf licking his wings. Eff. That's right. Eff, I say. I can't really tell you what happened next. Just know that it involves Matt, a raquetball raquet and a wal*mart bag. EFF, EFF and more EFF.
This may seem like it's not such a big deal...but I want you to think about it...no, really really think about it....I had a BAT land on my freakin' rib cage. WHAT THE HELL?!?!!?!??! I'm sorry...this just happened last night...I'm having a hard time getting over it....I needed to tell you guys.
Bats are gross.
The end.

All for not.

I can't even tell you how many hours we've logged into this stupid apartment....I just needed to show you guys the almost finished product. These are a few pictures of the place when we were a little over halfway done.

You gotta know when to hold em...know when to fold em.

Know when to walk away...when the dealin's done.
Yeah, so.....I moved out of my apartment today.

the end.

It's like treasure....only you don't get rich...you get sick.

So.......on Sunday Stephanie and I were cleaning out the cupboards and came upon a grizzly discovery....that's right. MOLD. Not that either of us were surprised, because along just about every baseboard in the apartment, we had scrubbed and primed and painted mold colonies. Seriously though....it's starting to get a little bit ridiculous. I called the landlord and let him know that the cupboard was moldy and this is what he said to me. And I quote "What do you want me to do about it?" I said, "well, there's mold in my cupboard...and I actually wanted someone to come take a look at it because it can't be healthy to have all of this mold growing everywhere." Then he said "Paint kills mold, don't you know that?" Jackass. First of all, paint does NOT kill mold and if anyone tell you that, they're just trying to get out of actually doing something about it. Anyway, that conversation ended with "Well, it is Sunday, hun, you're going to have to wait until tomorrow." Don't patronize me, ass wipe. That's all I have to say about that. Dont' worry about me though, Stephanie called her sister (who is about to graduate law school) and now my landlord is shakin' in his wranglers.

I'm blue da ba dee da ba die

So, I've been promising to post some pics of my new apartment. This is it when I first "moved in" although, technically I'm not moved in....but this is the day I got the key. Since then, there has been much painting and scrubbing and painting and scraping. I need you to know that every single room in the entire apartment was slathered in blue....poorly. And, as you can clearly see, it's not a pretty blue. Anyway, Stephanie and I have been working on it for over three weeks now, and though the end is in sight, we still have a lot of work to do.

Potty Time!

Hunter's getting this potty business figured out....slowly.

Eastyn Olivia

Thought I'd share a few pics of my new neice.

*smooch"

This one cracks me up...this guy's name is Craig. Could his face be any redder?

Mortally Chaotic.....

So, I went to Minneapolis this weekend. Shawew! It was a good time to say the least. Erin and I have made it tradition (three years running now) to go see a local band called "Mortal Chaos" for my birthday. This year, they had a special show just for my birthday (*tear*). Erin and I made tshirts with spray paint and stencils. In case you can't read them, the front says "I'm with the band" and the back says "Mortal Chaos". I would be lying if I said there weren't more than a couple people that were jeal of our find handywork and craftsmanship. Here are some pics of our night with Mortal Chaos and some of their faithful followers. I'll try to explain them as I go...but most of them speak for themselves.

For those of you that do not have myspace....

Here's a little something I wrote on my myspace profile...I thought I would share with those of you who have not been introduced to the splendor that is Myspace.

My Ultimate Quests: There are a few simple joys that I feel I must experience in my lifetime....

I would like to own a gnome. There's no real good reason for me wanting to own a garden gnome. I think they're neat. It can't just be any gnome, though. It has to be one that isn't holding a squirrel or a toad or any other prop. I just want a plain gnome just standing there being a cute little gnome.

I want to play the violin. Now, I'm not saying I want to be the first chair in the Boston Symphony Orchestra. Just a few screeches of the bow across the strings would do it for me.

I want to go to Wal*Mart and take pictures with my friends in Holiday turtlenecks.

I want to move so that I'm closer to work and not driving 40 miles there and 40 miles back.

I want to see a broadway show. I think just about any broadway show would appease me. Hey, I live in Iowa...beggers can't be choosers.

I want to dig out my 80's outfit and go hear some 80's power rock in Minnesota with Erin.

I want to learn to do a cartwheel.

I want to learn as much as possible about the Cleveland Browns (my team) and buy a jersey and wear it with pride.

I want to be a taebo champion.

I want to make and distribute t-shirts that say "I've got a mullet and some biceps, what are my options.

I want to use the money from my t-shirt sales to open a daycare and name it something fun.

I want to be on a gameshow. Winning it would be nice, but not a requirement.

I want to pet a whale or a dolphin or one of those mammals that look slippery, but everyone tells me they are bristly.

I want to meet someone famous and act like I don't care that they're famous. And we will drink martinis (or maybe something fruity) and talk about the hum drum of the everyday.

I want to go back to South Dakota to visit Auty and to take pictures at cock rock. (like we should have done the first time we went)

I want to make a soup in a pumpkin.

I want to adopt a child through the Sally Struthers foundation and post the certificate on my blog.

I want to own a chia pet. I would name him Archibald (most likely)

HAHAHAHAHAHA!! It's still funny to me.

Remember that circus potluck I told ya'll about? Well, one of my coworkers just sent me some pictures and I just have to post them....They still crack me up.

My aunt Beth is "neat"

So, if you know me at all, it will come as no surprise that in July, I promised pics of my aunt being "neat" at the fireworks show in Rockwell, IA. If you look at the pictures...she's illustrating a sentence. This was seriously a HILARIOUS night....I wish I could begin to explain....but I dont' think I better....because somehow I don't think all of you will find it quite as hilarious as we did. And, if you figure out my Aunt Beth's sentence, you'll see why. God, I love my family.

Well, I guess if you say so.....

Honestly, friends...I don't have anything to report. My life is pretty humdrum right now....Well, I take that back. It's not humdrum....just filled with little things that make me happy, but would probably bore the pants off of all of you. But, since I've been being asked continuously since my last post for updates...here you go. Please, though...feel free to stop reading whenver. It won't hurt my feelings.


My job has been going really well. I feel like I actually know what I'm talking about and doing, and that's always a good feeling. I will be working 8:30 to 5 like the rest of modern civilization now, and that makes me smile big teeth! I'm also on the assist que, which doesn't mean anything to probably anyone that's reading this (exept for Stephanie and whoever else works at Affina that may be reading this)...but just know, it's a good thing...a really good thing. I love love love the people I work with (with a few exceptions, of course) but for the most part, we're a pretty loveable bunch!
Teri is 7 months pregnant...well, at least that's what the doctor says. She thinks she's further along than that...either way, it's good news. The baby kicks ALL THE TIME, and we're ready to see him/her. I think they're having a boy, but they're still not telling.
Remember back in February when I posted all those pictures and whatnot of my trip to Minneapolis to see Erin and I told you guys about Mortal Chaos? Well, I totally found them on myspace the other night and couldn't be more excited! I'm planning a trip around my birthday to go up and see Erin, and we're totally going again. This time I"ll have a regular job to come back to, so that kind of sucks....but...we know how to squeeze a lot of fun into a small amount of time.
Tomorrow, we are having game night at Stephanie and Matt's house. Who doesn't love game night? I've got some mad skills and they are about to be unleashed upon that household. MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!